A farmer is sitting on his porch, when a friend stops by to say hello. As they are chatting, the farmer’s bloodhound repeatedly lets out a mournful howl.
The friend asks, “What’s wrong with your dog?”
The farmer nonchalantly states, “He’s sitting on a nail.”
“Why doesn’t he just get off it?” asks the friend.
To which the farmer replies, “It ain’t hurtin’ him enough yet.”
Sound familiar? It’s not unusual for some of us to get used to feeling uncomfortable with our lives. We may keep on complaining about our relationships or our jobs, but all too often we don’t seem willing to do anything to change the situation. Every now and again we might say that we wish we could follow our dreams, but we soon forget about it and continue with our lives.
Some of us may be sick of our current situation but are far too comfortable to decide on making a change. In life there is always a pay-off for everything we do, or avoid doing. So maybe the pay-off for staying in an unfulfilling situation is the security of being in a well paid job, or the sanctity of a marriage contract, or the recognition from social status. We might not be willing to sacrifice these pay-offs in order to pursue our dreams.
Maybe there’s just too much at risk making us reluctant to change. We dream of what could be, but either we are not sick enough of the present situation or our vision for the future is not compelling enough, or both.
Richard Bandler, one of the creators of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), says there are three steps towards making enduring changes:
- We must become sick of having the problem and decide that we really want to change.
- We must be able to see our problem from a new perspective, and
- We must create a compelling vision of the future.
In other words, the nail must start hurting really badly before we will make a decision to move on.
A few years ago, one of my coaching clients was stuck in an unfulfilling job. Even though he was feeling depressed he was afraid to take the risk of leaving and starting a new life. The situation had to become unbearable before he could start imagining himself out of this job. The next step for him was to look at things in a different light and identify new possibilities. How many times do we remain stuck because we falsely believe there is nothing else in life? A change in perspective can reveal alternative solutions, and he gradually started imagining being in a new job and creating a new life.
Finally we need to feel strongly attracted to the new possibilities, whether personal freedom or a new career. The driving force for such change is emotional not rational thinking, which explains why some people are able to take decisive action towards making a desired change, while others are seemingly content to remain stuck. The latter either do not feel uncomfortable enough or do not expect anything positive from a new situation.
My client gradually felt more and more attracted to the future life he envisioned, and actually wrote an article about it in which he vividly described how he would feel and what he would see and experience. Very soon this new vision took on a life of its own.
When he was contemplating leaving this job he asked himself: ‘is the nail hurting enough? Is the vision of a future outside of this job compelling enough?’ And when the answer to both questions was ”yes”, he knew it was time to move on!
